Eurovision 2010: Vhat Are You Doing?

Oy. It's been far too long, and I know it. But things have been happening, and by 'things' I mean EUROVISION!!!!1!!!111!!!!

I drafted Caitlin to join me (for her first Eurovision!) in front of my laptop for the archived SBS feed. I had hoped to LiveBlog it but I didn't get my ish together in time, so I took copious notes of our conversation. Here's the best of our discussions of gender confusion, Serial Pests and my travel plans for the arse end of Europe, complete with links to the performances should you want to relive the magic. Strap in, kids!

*****

Azerbaijan: Julia Zemiro kicks off by noting that Safura has 'a touch of the Holly Valances about her'. I have to agree, and am bothered by the fact that this is the third reference to Holly Valance I've made or heard in a week. Safura is one of the favourites but pulled a shitty position, so I reckon she's out from the word go. Mind you, she may also have been overrated: Caitlin and I are alarmed to learn that they got Beyoncé's choreographer from the 'Single Ladies' video, to no obvious end. Surely Azerbaijan has other things it needs to spending money on right now.

Elena: 'Lots of stair work.'

Caitlin: 'Maybe he wasn't working with a Beyoncé-calibre talent.'

Spain: Daniel Diges and his hair decided on a Leo Sayer look for the event, resplendent in what may be the shiniest suit of the evening. The rest of the performers are wearing wacky circus costumes, possibly to try to normalise Daniel's hair.

And then, quel scandal! A crasher! Mind you, it takes everyone a sec to work out what happened because the random guy is no weirder than anything else that's currently happening on the stage. An excellent side-effect of the invasion was that when the Jonah Hill to Daniel's Seth Rogen appeared a few moments later as a back-up singer, there was audible wondering about whether or not he too was a Serial Pest.

Norway: Didrik Solli-Tangen has the unenviable task of representing the host nation. General consensus is that he's not up to the standards of last year's prize-winning Norwegian, which is... harsh, really. Caitlin notes that the performers must be able to tell which camera has the feed at any given time, because they seem to be able to turn to face the correct one with an almost uncanny accuracy.

Elena: 'He has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.'

Caitlin: 'He must have put some kind of spell on [the camera operators] with those cold, dead eyes.'

Moldova: Sunstroke Project and Olia Tira are channelling several different '80s moments, with various degrees of success. The saxophone player has made a particularly fine effort, coming off as a natty cross between Miami Vice and That Guy From Madness.

Caitlin: 'I couldn't work out what the fuck a "saxOFFonist" was.'

Cyprus: Jon Lillygreen and the Islanders are my favourite story of this year's event: they're a Welsh band who were - unbeknownst to the band themselves - entered into the Cypriot Eurovision competition. And won. That'll teach us all to underestimate the Welsh/Cypriot powerbloc.

Caitlin: 'His haircut makes me a little uncomfortable.'

Elena: 'I keep thinking he's going to say "slapped me in the crotch".'

Bosnia & Herzegovina: In preparing Caitlin for the Eurovision experience, I told her that the Eastern European countries tend to send us either insane trashtastic doof-doof with big hair and small costumes or maudlin love-as-a-metaphor-for-cross-border-conflict Guitar Numbers, depending on where they currently fall in the war/peace cycle. Vukasin Brajic took the second option, dressed it up in 'Les Miserables' outfits, and crapped it out on an international stage. Cheers, Vukasin. Good on ya.

Caitlin: 'You see, it's about a couple reconciling after a fight? But it's ALSO about ethnic groups reconciling after a war. You see? LEVELS.'

SBS Break/Interstitial 1: As we start playing the second file, the video ident information pops up on the screen. Caitlin, unaccustomed to the high quality of Australian tele, murmurs, 'Wow, you're really showing us how the sausage is made.'

Belgium: Tom Dice, the Belgian Ben Lee. He was... pleasant. Short-panted.

Elena: 'Come on, Oslo! Rock out with me in a very cute, non-threatening, acoustic way!'

Caitlin: 'Why is everyone wearing vests? I mean, they're all very distinct vests....'

Elena: 'I feel like there's a bow-tie there, but there isn't.'

Caitlin: 'There's a suggestion of a bow-tie. An implied bow-tie.'

Serbia: Milan Stakovic trained as a doctor, but gave that up for... this. He's been heavily profiled in the lead-up, but seemingly less for his song than for his hair. His hair is... oh, words fail me. Just watch the video. Keep an eye on his very committed dancers too.

Caitlin: 'Oh, it's that guy... guy? Hey, it's that ladyman!'

Elena: 'It's like a mullet, without the party anywhere.'

Belarus: 3 + 2 is made up of the top five finalists in Belarus Idol (three women, two men). Caitlin and I tried to work out who was the winner, but resigned, baffled. The song was called 'Butterflies', and the costume reveal associated with it shocked exactly no one. It would have been better if the wings came out of the guys' suits instead of the girls' dresses, but whatever. This song is going nowhere, wings or no.

Caitlin: 'That guy at the piano has Metal Hair and an embroidered coat!'

Elena: 'That's a guy?'

Caitlin: 'Yeah... he has a beard.'

Ireland: Niamh Kavanagh performed at Eurovision during Ireland's heydey of the '90s. I don't remember if she won her year, but it doesn't matter: she's not winning this year. She's elegant and has a great voice, and it's a classy arrangement: she has brought a lovely, antique silver table knife to a gun fight. Mind you, she also brought a wind machine, so she's not entirely immune to the excesses of the night.

Elena: 'Those are some huge hands on that lady.'

Caitlin: 'And by "lady", we mean "guy".'

Greece: Giorgos Alkaios & Friends bring us the first big get-up-and-dance song of the night, a cheery little number called 'Opa!' Because here at Eurovision, we deal exclusively in national stereotypes. I'm amazed they weren't breaking plates on stage. Still, there's no denying that it's good fun, and definitely my favourite so far.

Elena: 'Every one of those back-up dancers is named Nico.'

U.K.: Josh Dubovie is cursed with performing this year's U.K. entry. There was lots of hope as it was penned by Stock and Waterman of the famous Stock Aitken Waterman collective who wrote pretty much every English #1 of the mid-'80s; unfortunately, 'It Sure Sounds Good to Me' only proves that the U.K. has cornered the international market on irony, and that Aitken was the one with all the talent. Josh wasn't helped by the back-up singers, at least one of whom was so glaringly out of key that large portions of the song were painful to listen to, or by the choreography, which involved a staircase with semi-clothed male and female dancers posing on it while Josh flounced by.

Caitlin: 'What is that dance, "Last Night at the Gay Bar"?'

Elena: '"I'm just going to keep walking, ladies. Clearly, I'm not interested in you."'

SBS Break/Interstitial 2: Julia Zemiro is talking with Giorgos & his Friends. Caitlin: 'I bet they'd be fun to go drinking with.'

Georgia: Sofia Nizharadze's performance is completely unmemorable, apart from the back-up dancers who make Josh Dubovie look like the manliest man who ever manned.

Elena: 'The Gayest Sailors in the Navy!'

Caitlin: 'The Spray-Tannedest Sailors in the Navy!... Oh, and there's the wink!' [She's learning fast, folks.]

Turkey: Turkey usually goes with a dyed-blonde trashy pop tart type who fake-belly-dances (from a country full of actual belly dancers), so I'm surprised to see maNga, a group who appears to be My Chemical Romance having a good time. There's lots of vinyl and a slightly terrifying gimp-robot-stripper girl and some very Matrix-lite visuals, but overall I come down in favour of it.

Elena: 'What does "how different you are" have to do with "dancing like a star"? And am I overthinking this?'

Caitlin: '...It's possible.'

Albania: I have to say, I really thought Albania was in with a chance with this one: good production values; catchy electropop song that showed a surprising awareness of modern music trends; attractive vocalist trained at the Allison Goldfrapp Academy of Singing That Way She Does. I am particularly hopeful because I believe that an Albanian-hosted Eurovision would be a very, very special thing indeed. I mention that seeing Eurovision in person is one of my dreams, and Caitlin suggests that I go the year that Albania hosts. It is decided.

Caitlin: 'Ooh, he has Depeche Mode hair.'

Iceland: Julia Zemiro has a bit of a thing for Miss Hera Bjork (it's like Smith over there), a majestic figure in an unflattering burgundy tent. She certainly has an excellent voice, and in any other year this song would have been a gimme but it didn't fit the mood this time. Nevertheless, I confidently predict that it'll be a big hit in the gay clubs of Europe this summer, and Hera will be the Martha Wash of GlacierLand.

Elena: 'Sorry, I was just instinctively reaching for the lasers.'

Ukraine: We stop talking about Iceland just long enough to note that the singer looks naked.

France: I love it! Zemiro hates it, which makes me love it more! I'm convinced that if this had been in English it would have won handily, but France always makes a deal of asserting French as one of the Official Languages of Eurovision, so no way that was going to happen.

Elena: 'Hey, black folks! There's a thought!'

Romania: Paula Seling & Ovi are giving us an extravagant performance featuring a clear Lucite double-piano, except that it's more like two Casios. Because all of Romania's money went into Paula's outfit.

Elena: 'You and me, can't you see we're playing with camel toe!'

Caitlin: 'I like how many of these have the classic Soul, Girl-Group back-up singers.'

Russia: Peter Nalitch & Friends have the following exchange:

'Vhat are you doing?'

'I am looking at her photo.' [except that it's a bad pencil sketch]

'Throw it into the fire!'

I cannot improve upon that.

Caitlin: 'Oh, it's the Scarf Guy!'

Elena: 'Ah, and there's some excellent prop action. In addition to The Scarf, I mean.'

Armenia: Eva Rivas presents a tribute to Armenia called 'Apricot Stone' - apparently apricots are the symbol of Armenia? I don't know. It's quite a production. Caitlin notes that there's an entire village on stage with her, including a cistern and an old man sitting on a boulder. Eva also entreats us to 'keep [her] cherished fruit', which just sounds dirty.

Caitlin: 'She's the lost Kardashian sister!'

Germany: Oy, this fucking song. Lena is apparently the favourite, but god almighty this is awful... though I will admit that if she didn't have that weird, Missy Higgins-ish pronunciation thing I might like it. It's certainly catchy as hell, but the lyrics are awful and her affected Cockney accent is even more annoying that you'd think.

Elena: 'Oi deed it jahst thee othah dae!'

Caitlin: 'She's taking the Eliza Doolittle approach.'

Elena: 'That's not how Germans speak English.'

Caitlin: 'No, no it is not.'

Portugal: I take Sam Pang's suggestion and made tea.

Israel: Another fucking power ballad - this time with phlegm. Now we drink tea.

Denmark: It's a duet, there's an opaque glass screen, it's all been going on too long.

Elena: '"Nevergreen and Sharnay"? Is that what they said?'

Caitlin: 'Sounds like it.'

Elena: 'Ah, excuse me: it's Chanée and n'evergreen. N-apostrophe.'

Caitlin: 'Oh, it's a contraction.'

Caitlin: 'That's a rough haircut that guy has.'

Elena: 'That's true. Mind you, that's a horrible weave she's got.'

Caitlin: 'Oh, I've seen way worse weaves than that. You clearly don't watch much "America's Next Top Model".'

I'm not recapping Spain's second performance. It was better with the Serial Pest. I will say that I loved Norway's interval acts, with the groups all over Europe doing the dance. It was surprisingly affecting. I love the idea of all of these strangers having a big goofy dance together across the continent. Not to get all highfalutin', but I reckon we could do with more of that sort of thing.

Voting, random comments:

Caitlin, on the introduction of Svante Stockselius: 'The Man. The Myth. The Executive.'

Svante: 'Nadia, let the excitement begin!'

Elena: 'Because it sure as hell ain't starting with me!'

Elena: 'I might move to Portugal.'

Caitlin: 'Yeah, Portugal? Why?'

Elena: 'I don't know. They seem like nice people. And they have a good way with a sausage.'

Caitlin: 'Switzerland's neutral - their points can go anywhere!'

Elena: 'They're storing them in a Nazi vault.'

Thoughts on the winner, Lena (Germany):

Caitlin: 'She's very off-putting.'

Elena: 'Why the hell is she talking! Stop her talking! STOP!!'

*****

So, there you have it. As is usual with Eurovision, it ended not with a bang, but with a whimper emitted by a nitwit. Thanks for indulging me, and a big, big thank you to Caitlin for going on this journey with me. I will never throw you into the fire.

XOXO

(Almost) The Last Word on Belly Dancing Costumes (For Now)

Well, the people have spoken, and it looks like I'll be going with the most favouritest/most expensivest costume, the red and gold. Want to know why? Well:

1. The ability to pair this bra-and-belt set with veils and skirts of other colours makes it way, way more useful in the long-term than either of the super-cheap options.
2. I spoke to the company and was informed that the belts on the red/gold and the black/gold are actually the same; they'd just had the model wear the belt backwards in the black/gold to show what the back looks like. (Great idea, but maybe they should have mentioned that on the site....) The black/gold immediately lost a lot of its appeal: before I had liked it almost as much as the red/gold because it was cheaper and the belt was better, but now it was just cheaper.
3. The price difference between the two ($26) wouldn't have covered the cost of getting another veil/skirt set, and I wouldn't have wanted to perform in the black/gold with the troupe. When you're dancing for tips (as I will be at our first confirmed paid gig, and am likely to be at others), you want to stand out and be shiny and eye-catching, and the black/gold would fade into black backgrounds and look kind of... dark. Like, not welcoming.
4. I think the flower pattern of the sequins works better on the red/gold than on the black/gold, where it takes on Greek Yaya overtones. Also, while I do want a black veil/skirt set for a choreography I have in mind for some undetermined time down the road, the flower pattern wouldn't suit that choreo at all.
5. Most people I talked to (including your lovely selves) seemed to feel that if I was going to buy something that frivolous and outside my budget, I might as well get the one I really, really want.
6. It's the one I really, really want.

So, Trace, I think the legendary Justification of the Black Pants has been trumped. I have managed to talk myself into dropping $175 + shipping, while earning little more than that each week, on an outfit that I will wear maybe 15 minutes a month - AND I've made it seem like a reasonable decision. That's a fair effort.

I'm going to check the hafli I'm dancing at tomorrow for other costumes, just to be sure - sometimes vendors at these things give really good discounts, especially on second-hand stuff - but barring any major developments I'll be placing my order tomorrow. Yay! I promise I'll share photos.

XOXO

Quote of the Week: 'It didn't get ridiculous until you said "body-tipping".' - Liz

And this is how I ended up spending $128 on a pair of pants.

(That one's for you, Trace.)

I've been looking at other costumes, and the thing I was most worried about has happened: I've fallen in love with a costume that's just outside my price range.

Wanna see? Have a look.

Beautiful, right? I just... I want it. So much. SO. MUCH.

And the thing that's killing me is, I could get it. I have that much money, and it's still a good price for what I'd be getting. Problem is, I shouldn't spend that much of my meagre funds on something as frivolous as a BD costume. Because yes, I have the money, and yes, I am working. But I'm working 30 hours/week for $10/hour, so with shipping that costume would run me most of a week's wages. And I'm going to finish at this job in a couple of weeks and still don't have anything lined up for after [shudder], so it's not like I have that kind of money to spare.

So clearly, I understand the need to curb my impulses. But here's the logic on the other side: if I'm going to drop some cash on something as frivolous as a BD costume, it should be one that I really like and will be able to maintain for a long time. This new costume falls more into that category than the other two do, for reasons of fabric and style. Furthermore...

OK. Get comfortable.

There is a black-and-gold version of the new costume (slightly different belt, but otherwise the same), which I also very much like, and which is $30 cheaper than the red. And it's only $30 more than the Shiny costume from my original post, so for only $30 more I could get something really awesome, rather than just so-so. And that seems kind of sensible, to me: $30 isn't going to make a difference to me in the long run, so I might as well drop $30 more and get what I really want.

But clearly, it's not that simple. Because what I really want is the red one, and the red one is $30 more again. And it's very easy to apply that same logic and talk myself into spending almost twice as much as my best-price option (the Amreekiya) on a costume that I'm not sure I'll even have cause to wear all that often: we only wear the pro costumes for paid gigs, I think, and most of our gigs won't be paid. And it's not like paid gigs are going to rake in the cash: for the one in August we'll be getting $60 each plus tips. Unless I get the Amreekiya I have no chance of making the cost back. It really doesn't make sense to spend any more than I absolutely have to.

Then again, the new costume would be a good investment in the long run because the pieces are interchangeable: the plain gold bra and belt can be matched with other skirts and veils, and that site sells all of the pieces separately as well. This means that I could get the black and gold costume, then go back later and get the red and gold veil and skirt set for $80. I'd therefore have two full, excellent costumes (that look surprisingly different from each other, as you'd see in the photos) for just over $200, which is quite good. I couldn't do that with the Amreekiya because the bra and belt both have coloured fabric behind them; I could match the Shiny top with any gold-and-colour belt, but as has been previously noted, the Shiny top is... fine, but hardly awesome. No match for the new costume's pieces, for sure. And I'd need additional belts as well as skirts and veils.

But I could save myself $50-80 and a lot of debating by just going with the Amreekiya, and that's not nothing.

What do you think? Hit me in the comments.

XOXO

Update: Poll regs

Hi again,

Turns out you have to be 'signed in' to vote. I know you can sign in with a Google account, and I think you can with a Facebook account as well. If you can't sign in (or can't be bothered), feel free to reply in the comments instead. Thanks!

Baby's First Blog Poll!

This belly dancing thing is getting serious.

I had my first troupe rehearsal last week, at which - because of a couple of recent dropouts - I was 'asked' to perform at three shows in the next few months. The first is Sunday week. Doing a choreo I started learning *last week* and have *one* more rehearsal on before we perform.

So. Yes. I am slightly terrified and overwhelmed, while also trying to feel all good about trying new things etc. But shelving the self-helpetry for the moment, I need input on an important decision: one of the shows, in August, will be a paid gig for which I will need a 'professional' costume (e.g., shiny and spangled). These can be quite pricey, but there's a website that has some decent, affordable options.

And here's the poll: I want to know what you-all think would suit me best. There are two styles I'm looking at (translation: that I could afford): the Amreekiya and... well, it has no name, so I'll call it the Shiny. It's a bit tricky because I prefer the top on the Shiny but the skirt on the Amreekiya. (Check the close-up photo of the top of the Amreekiya... it's kind of creepy in a way I can't quantify.)

The troupe colours are black and red, and I prefer gold accents (coins, etc.) to silver on BD costumes. So on the Amreekiya, it'd be either red or black where it's navy in the photo, and on the Shiny it'd be either black as in the photo or red where the black is. My teacher has okayed all of these, so it's just down to my preference.

I'll set up the poll to the right of the post. I'd really appreciate your input on this, so please vote - and additional info is always welcome in the comments section!


XOXO

Stray Thoughts Strut

1) Hockey Talky: The Bruins won the first game of their Division Semi-final against the Philadelphia Flyers. We were playing the Flyers and not the scarier Pittsburgh Steelers because the Montreal Canadiens - the Bruins' sworn enemies, also known as Les Habitants for Frenchy reasons - won their last series, which means that they have to play the Steelers. The nervousness around playing the Steelers led to what Caitlin described as 'all of Boston cheering awkwardly for the Habs'. Very smooth. We're currently up 2-1 in the second game of the series. I'm thinking of you, Tim.

2) Paging Dr Kat!: Hey Massachusetts, how's your awesome infrastructure? And of course it happened on the first truly hot weekend we've had this year. Who needs drinking water in 90˚ weather, right? It looks like we'll be sorted by the middle of the week, but for now we're still boiling water for drinking, hand-washing, and cooking. I feel so old-school.

3) Shake, rattle, and roll: As of Thursday, I'll be joining my belly dancing teacher's troupe! For an idea of what I'll be getting up to, watch this. (You'll also get to see my teacher, Zehara, snake dancing. She is that cool.) The plan is for me to perform for the first time with them in June at a fundraiser Zehara's put together. Guys, I am stupidly excited about this. Belly dancing makes me happier than anything else in my life right now, and the idea that she reckons I'm good enough to perform is startling and touching. I promise to provide photos/links, as long as I don't do anything really stupid.

Link du jour: Bassingthwaighte's looking amazingly lifelike these days!

XOXO

Australia: Explained.

Bees, you say?