In through the nose, out through the mouth.

You guys.

For the last two days I've been having run-ins with the American taxation and health care systems. They are... like, I don't even have the words. I don't know how to say all the things that are wrong or how astoundingly wrong those things are. I don't know how it is that either of these systems could be so completely broken and yet still be the civic equivalent of required reading.

I am not stupid. I am not lazy. I am not trying to do anything illegal, immoral, or even remotely out-of-the-ordinary. And yet I have, on three separate occasions over the last 24 hours, been reduced to tears by the incomprehensible garbage that governs my ability to comply with (not break, not stretch, not find-a-loophole-out-of, but comply with) federal and state law, and to access and pay for (not abuse, not cheat, not rort, but access and pay for) basic health care when I need it. And along the way I have talked to people who are kind but lack the knowledge or ability to help me; or who are unkind and uncooperative and lack the desire to help me; or who just plain need a punch in the mouth and make me want to move to Abu Dhabi tomorrow rather than deal with their bullshit one fucking second more; who are all employed to (at least in theory) help me and millions of other people do exactly what I am trying to do. None of this, none of the system that has grown up to support hundreds of millions of people, makes any fucking sense.

In Last Chance to See, Douglas Adams wrote an awesome bit about how hard it was for him to discuss two obnoxious German students he had met in Africa because everything about them was such a stereotype. Writers, he said, should be in the business of destroying stereotypes, not enforcing them. He eventually decides to deal with the problem by making them Latvians instead, which made all of their annoying qualities interesting instead of cliched, and also allowed him to use the line, 'a smile played across his thin Latvian lips' - an excellent result all around. Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury. My recent experiences are so horribly, stereotypically, fundamentally American that to assign them to any other country would rob them of their power (and be unnecessarily cruel to whatever nation I'd picked on). But the flip side of this is that because everyone already knows that our health care system sucks ass and our tax codes were written by day patients, I cannot communicate how truly heinous it is to have to deal with these things in real life: if I rant about it, I sound whingy; if I joke about it, I sound like a hack (amirite, ladies?); and if I try to give you the information straight, I still sound like I'm exaggerating because unless you've been through it personally you would not believe that it could be this fucking ridiculous. So this is where I'll end. I'll shake it off and get on with my day, because that's all I can do, because somehow I've ended up back in a country where these systems are the systems.

And this is how I ended up spending $128 on a pair of pants.

(That one's for you, Trace.)

I've been looking at other costumes, and the thing I was most worried about has happened: I've fallen in love with a costume that's just outside my price range.

Wanna see? Have a look.

Beautiful, right? I just... I want it. So much. SO. MUCH.

And the thing that's killing me is, I could get it. I have that much money, and it's still a good price for what I'd be getting. Problem is, I shouldn't spend that much of my meagre funds on something as frivolous as a BD costume. Because yes, I have the money, and yes, I am working. But I'm working 30 hours/week for $10/hour, so with shipping that costume would run me most of a week's wages. And I'm going to finish at this job in a couple of weeks and still don't have anything lined up for after [shudder], so it's not like I have that kind of money to spare.

So clearly, I understand the need to curb my impulses. But here's the logic on the other side: if I'm going to drop some cash on something as frivolous as a BD costume, it should be one that I really like and will be able to maintain for a long time. This new costume falls more into that category than the other two do, for reasons of fabric and style. Furthermore...

OK. Get comfortable.

There is a black-and-gold version of the new costume (slightly different belt, but otherwise the same), which I also very much like, and which is $30 cheaper than the red. And it's only $30 more than the Shiny costume from my original post, so for only $30 more I could get something really awesome, rather than just so-so. And that seems kind of sensible, to me: $30 isn't going to make a difference to me in the long run, so I might as well drop $30 more and get what I really want.

But clearly, it's not that simple. Because what I really want is the red one, and the red one is $30 more again. And it's very easy to apply that same logic and talk myself into spending almost twice as much as my best-price option (the Amreekiya) on a costume that I'm not sure I'll even have cause to wear all that often: we only wear the pro costumes for paid gigs, I think, and most of our gigs won't be paid. And it's not like paid gigs are going to rake in the cash: for the one in August we'll be getting $60 each plus tips. Unless I get the Amreekiya I have no chance of making the cost back. It really doesn't make sense to spend any more than I absolutely have to.

Then again, the new costume would be a good investment in the long run because the pieces are interchangeable: the plain gold bra and belt can be matched with other skirts and veils, and that site sells all of the pieces separately as well. This means that I could get the black and gold costume, then go back later and get the red and gold veil and skirt set for $80. I'd therefore have two full, excellent costumes (that look surprisingly different from each other, as you'd see in the photos) for just over $200, which is quite good. I couldn't do that with the Amreekiya because the bra and belt both have coloured fabric behind them; I could match the Shiny top with any gold-and-colour belt, but as has been previously noted, the Shiny top is... fine, but hardly awesome. No match for the new costume's pieces, for sure. And I'd need additional belts as well as skirts and veils.

But I could save myself $50-80 and a lot of debating by just going with the Amreekiya, and that's not nothing.

What do you think? Hit me in the comments.

XOXO