A Short Play about the Things You Can Get away with When You're far from Home.

I'm not sure how common they are in the Antipodes (pronounced 'anti-podes'), but I am signed up to about a dozen different e-coupon/deal notification services. Groupon is the major one, but there are heaps of smaller ones and sometimes they send pretty amazing stuff.

I started and erased three different descriptions of one I received today, but have decided that I can give myself the night off and let the jokes write themselves. Enjoy - it's champagne comedy from the headline on down.

Smokey Robinson Presents Human Nature: Australian Vocal Sensations Perform Motown Hits Orpheum Theatre (Boston, MA) FULL PRICE: $61.50 OUR PRICE: $15.00 - $31.75* Smokey Robinson presents Australia's most popular vocal group, Human Nature. They are coming to the Orpheum Theatre as part of their first ever U.S. tour. Formed originally as a doo-wop band, Human Nature have become huge pop stars at home, soaring up the charts with multiple top ten hits, as well as three multi-platinum records. Their success attracted the attention of Smokey Robinson, who recorded the song "Get Ready" with the band. Robinson then brought them to Las Vegas, where they've played sold out shows for more than two years. Their show, billed as "The Ultimate Celebration of Motown," showcases the distinctive, dynamic harmonies of members Toby Allen, Phil Burton, Andrew Tierney and Michael Tierney as they perform Motown's greatest hits, including songs from The Temptations, The Four Tops, The Supremes and more.

XOXO

An open letter to The Lawyer

So we agree, we're better as Friends. And not in the 'I hope that we can still be friends' way, but sincerely. I'm glad we worked this out sooner than later because not having you around to goof off with would suck, but dating you was wrecking me and I know I was driving you crazy too.

But do you really have to bring the other girl to the New Year's party being held in my fucking apartment? Because I have nowhere else to go. I don't know people in Boston, I don't have a list of other places I could be. And while I know it's tricky because you've been seeing her for so long (years, really), and while I'm aware that my flatmate is your best friend, and while I'm sure it would have been an awkward conversation to have with the girl who assumed she was invited when she heard about it - and I'm not sure what, if anything, she knows about me - it's still going to be a fuckload ickier for me to have her inescapably there for five hours. I truly don't have anything against her - she's perfectly nice and must have the patience of a saint to have been trying to hold onto you for as long as she has - but for god's sake, cut me a little slack. Please. It's a small group of people (10-15, of whom I'll know four, and one of them is you) in a small apartment. What am I supposed to do if it gets rough? Sit in my room and read a book? I won't pretend that I don't still have a few unresolved feelings for you, and though those will pass quickly (they mostly already have), watching that this soon this close-up for this long is not going to be easy, and not only will I not be able to step out of it, I won't even be able to talk to any of the people there about it, even the few I know, because they're all your friends. Not mine.

You know you fucked up. You told me so. But you refuse to acknowledge that there's any other option for you apart from 'well, we just won't come', and you know full well that a) that's not an option because as previously noted, my flatmate = your bestie and you know everyone that will be there, whereas I know none of them, and you would be missed; and b) ... god, just stop being so stupid, would you please? Ugh.

So yes, this New Year's Eve will be different from the last. Last year I was surrounded by summer and old friends and excitement and promise. This year I'll be surrounded by cold and wet and strangers and an awkward situation. But you watch: I'll smile and be charming and laugh a lot, because I'm very good at that; and I'll medicate heavily and drink substantially and hope that I pass out before the ball drops and I have to see you kiss the new year in with the other girl. Because I'm happy to be your friend, but in that moment I'll still be a little sad I'm not more.

XOXO

Is it wrong that my hero is a redneck gobshite?

Now if only we could link him to Tony Abbott....

HA HA HA HA HA

Suck it, Melbourne. Really and truly, suck it.

XOXO