It all comes back to South African cigarette butts.

Second Verse, Same as the First: A Play in One Scene.

[Two women. One old conversation that is new again.]

[And by new, I stress new. As in, of recent weeks. Because you'll all have heard this fucking refrain before.]

me: WHY WHY WHY DOES SHE SUCK SO BADLY, AND WHY WHY WHY DO I CARE?

Caitlin: I think you care because you are an inveterate romantic.

me: Oh fuck, don't go wishing that on me.

Caitlin: You deserve better. No judgment on her as a person (although you know which way my suspicions lean there), but you deserve to be treated better than she has treated you.

me: Thank you. Again. I think so too, but it's just... sometimes they get under your skin, and then it's hard to dig them out. And I swear I've got an innate sensor that's gone wrong and lets the wrong ones in.

Caitlin: I know. That's why you have people like me! To remind you of the stuff you're willing to put aside.

me: Every time I think I've got it sussed, that I've finally found someone who's Got It Together, she turns out to be just like all the others. And then I start sounding like That Girl and I hate myself a little more.

Caitlin: Dude, everyone has been there. Making excuses for someone because they have gotten under their skin, making allowances for them, letting yourself accept less than you deserve.

me: I wonder what it is. What causes that. Because I feel like we're all smarter than that.

Caitlin: It's at those times you need friends to remind you that you are awesome, and deserve someone who is going to treat you right and make you a priority... of course, maybe you shouldn't listen to me on that, as I will probably die alone due to my stubborn determination to settle for nothing less than true love. I'm a sucker.

me: It's not stubborn. It's Homeric.

Caitlin: Hubristic?

me: Heh. No, that's what my friend Anthony told me right before I left Sydney. That my life would always be a quest because I'm always going to be looking for the right job, the right girl, the right home. Not just whatever's there. Not settling. Except that it ended up sounding a bit dire, and I wasn't really consoled.

Caitlin: I keep looking for jobs, and every once in a while, it occurs to me that many people-probably most people-get that they may not like their job and are OK with that, and maybe I should just look for anything, instead of just things I want to do. But I am the way I am. I want to do work that I care about doing. Etc.

me: It's all the same, really. And it's wise, and true. But it's a real bitch.

Caitlin: Yeah, no comfort there. But I don't feel inclined to compromise on those things. Much as that might end me up alone and miserable.

me: You're right not to.

Caitlin: Well, of course you're going to say that. You're as bull-headed as I am!

me: Natch. But if I don't support you in making that right choice - and it is the right one - I'll never have a hope of supporting myself in making it.

Caitlin: Moral of the story: Confuso would be a compromise. And she's mean.

me: SHE IS MEAN! Like, that was a really mean thing to do, right? Fuck her and all her noise.

Caitlin: Yeah. She can suck it.

me: Damn RIGHT she can. Besides, I have a date with a lawyer on Saturday. Who's cute and funny and thinks my sarcasm is AWESOME.

Caitlin: That's the spirit!

me: YEAH. And I'm going to sword-dance the FUCK out of some Röyksopp this weekend, just to piss her off.

me: (Okay, I'm not sure how it would piss her off, seeing as she won't know about it, but the hell with logic. I'm ANGRY.)

Caitlin: That's quite a sentence! Picture that out of context. It would be like your overheard thing.

me: Oh my god, it would! The Ultimate Stompie!

Caitlin: Yes! That!

me: I feel much better now. Thank you.

Caitlin: Any time.

me: I will try not to bore you with stories of her anymore.

Caitlin: Hey, if you need to, you go ahead. That way, I can remind you that she is MEAN.

me: Yeah she is. Evil Dr Confuso. Meanie.

A whole class on stockings? Bien sûr!

I'm sorry it's been so long: I didn't realise how much time had passed since my last post. I'm trying to keep to two a week, but it's harder to fit that in that it seems like it should be.

Specifically, I owe you guys a wrap-up of the Burlesque Expo.

It was... an adventure. I had a great time, and a lot of the people I met were really nice. The classes were fascinating: in addition to the aforementioned stockings and heels workshop (focused on how to take them off, of course), I studied how to eye-flirt with the audience and how to do perfect pin-up make-up. I also sat in on a panel discussion of race in burlesque, which was awesome right up until an older man who was attending the workshop (for reasons that eluded us all) started sharing his opinions, and... well. His heart was in the right place, but his vocabulary hadn't quite caught up.

Apart from that, though, it was a riot. Most of the women there were a fucking riot, and it was great to be a part of that energy. Of course, there were a few That Girls getting underfoot, but that's only to be expected. Some cruel people will tell you that burlesque is stripping for ugly girls; I disagree with that on a variety of levels (those bitches were HOT, just for a start), but there's no denying that burlesque has become an outlet for the sort of oversexed girl who back in our day simply would have been BISEXUAL!!! until she found a boy patient enough not to care about her daddy issues. So, you know, there was a bit of that. What was sad was how blatantly - and unflatteringly - they stuck out against the girls who were legitimately confident in and comfortable with their sex appeal, and how utterly they seemed to fail to recognise this.

I haven't decided yet if I'll pursue burlesque myself, but it was great fun to dip a (stockinged) toe in. For now I'm enjoying belly dancing way too much to think about doing anything else, apart from maybe some hula-hooping classes - those will at least compliment each other.

I have to pull myself together for work now, yuck. Still temping. The second interview for the other job seemed to go well, but again, it's very hard to know. We'll see what happens.

XOXO

Link du jour: All about That Guy.