Two things that make me laugh, for very different reasons.

Here's a thing for those of you who want to know a little more about Jamaica Plain* (it's better than any other plain!).

And here's a thing for those of you who want to know a little more about bending in weird directions.

* Jamaica Plain is my spiritual home in Boston, and where I'd definitely live if it weren't next door to the neighbourhood I grew up in. I will almost certainly end up there if I stay in Boston. Somerville is where The Lawyer lives. She does play lots of sports and eat breakfast food. I, however, am not a vegan.

XOXO

Ugh.

You guys.

I just gchatted with The Chef. I still have no idea what's going on - I don't think she's come to any final decision, but I'm not entirely sure - but I have to ask a very serious question:

Is there anything more infuriating than someone you desperately want to be angry at being nothing but respectful and reasonable at you?

I mean this. I always thought I wanted someone who thought about my feelings and listened to me and went out of her way to be careful of me. Turns out what I really want is the exact opposite, because now I'm getting the thoughtful, caring bullshit and it's making me want to kick puppies.

I can't handle it at all. I know how to deal with screaming fights and wounded feelings and storming-offs. I know what to do when someone shuts me out completely or punishes me with silence or acts in a way that is entirely inappropriate to the situation and to our relationship. The script for any scene that ends with me sobbing so hard I get sick? I know it by heart. But this whole thing she's pulling on me here is breaking my mind. How dare she be honest? How dare she be gentle, and think before she speaks, and weigh her words carefully? And worst of all, how dare she listen to what I say I want, and then give it to me?!

Because then I have nothing to be angry or sad about, except the fact that she ended up ditching me and that was not how the story was supposed to go. And I feel hurt, and disappointed, and foolish, and I have nowhere to turn any of that except on myself.

XOXO

I'm really starting to believe that Canada's a better person than I am.

Excellent work, Calgary. Truly excellent.

XOXO

A series of unexpected events.

You guys, it isn’t even Tuesday and I am already done with this week.

1. I can’t stop eating. I don’t know what the hell’s going on with my appetite, but every moment I’m not shoveling food in my face feels like a moment lost. If I don’t slow my roll I am going to undo every bit of good work I’ve done since December.
   
   I’m also having a hard time getting back into the gym. I’m trying to tell myself that I really just need to get through the first two weeks of eating well and exercising and then it’ll be routine, but it’s like I’m back to square one where every minute is a struggle. And I’m craving the weirdest shit – like, Gatorade and Sour Patch Kids and Entenmann’s baked goods – that is miles outside of what usually interests me, and what’s worse is that I want them all by the bucketful (the Entenmann’s stuff in particular… dear god, the things I’d do to a box of their choc-chip cookies does not bear description).
   
   
   
2. We got snow. Again. I really can’t with this. I beg of you, Boston, no màs.
   
   
   
3. In the last 24 hours, I have been dumped by not one, but two people I wasn’t formally dating. Well, I’m exaggerating slightly, but only slightly: as of now things are off with both The Chef and The Lawyer. The Chef had a big snotty cry all over me yesterday because her ex wants her back and she doesn’t know what to do. They were together for 5+ years and split more than a year ago; I’ve never got a clear picture of the details but I do know that the break-up was seriously bad, and I have the distinct impression that the ex dicked her over something fierce. I don’t know how long they’ve been back in touch, but I think at least the please-come-back is very recent, because The Chef is not very good at keeping things under wraps and would not have been able to go on very long without telling me.
   
   I reacted much as you might expect: I gave my opinion (essentially ‘don’t be a moron, moron’), let her sob, and then told her to leave my house and only call me when she’s sorted her shit out but don’t expect me to be waiting around in the meantime – and by the way, next time she wants to drop something like this, she shouldn’t let me pay for brunch immediately beforehand. Fucker.
   
   I don’t know. If she turns the ex down and wants to give it another go with me, I’m not sure what I’ll say: to my list of major concerns we can now add ‘still not really over her last relationship, apparently’, and that’s not small potatoes. But to her credit she was honest to an extent she didn’t necessarily have to be, given the nebulousness of our relationship, and I also really feel for the girl. She’s hurting bad and really doesn’t know what to do – I suspect she’s desperate to trust the ex again and give it another shot but also really doesn’t trust her at all, so doesn’t know what to make of it. (I also suspect that the ex has managed to run some guilt-inducing ‘but don’t you believe people can change?’ line on her, which is gross, and no, for the record, I don’t.)
   
   And in case any of you is wondering, yes, this was as sudden as it seems, and no, no one saw it coming.
   
   As to The Lawyer, she has merely had an attack of the guilts, exacerbated by having received some fairly head-fucking news from her own ex this morning. It’s fair enough and probably for the best but coming on the heels of yesterday has me feeling even more kicked around. That will pass and we’ll recalibrate, and I knew it would only be a short-lived thing anyway, but I just didn’t want to give it up at this particular moment. On the other hand, the risk of using her as a prop to make myself feel better and ending up hurt in the process is huge, I recognise that, so it really is the best thing. She’s the emotional equivalent of a box of Entenmann’s choc-chip cookies: utterly delicious and addictive, but once the sugar high wears off there’s nothing but regret and bloating to show for it. Whereas The Chef was more like a fresh, healthy tomato salad that turned out to be laced with salmonella. Fuck, even the sane ones I pick are a mess.
   

Anyway. I’m sure this will all pass quickly enough. In the meantime, I have a week to get through. Back to it, I guess.

XOXO

A short play about the nature of modern relationships, and some other things

My boss, noticing that I'm about to change clothes before leaving work: Oh, do you have a date tonight?

Me: No... no.

My boss: So... what, then?

Me: I'm making dinner for The Lawyer.

My boss: Oh no. You're not back with her again, are you?

Me: No. She has a girlfriend now.

My boss: But... wait, what? I'm confused!

Me: Yeah, that makes six of us.

My boss: Six? Who's six? You, your girlfriend, her, her girlfriend....

Me: ...My flatmate, and you.

My boss: Wow. [beat] So, that's how you guys roll, huh?

Me: Apparently.

My boss: Well, bring me some leftovers if there are any.

*****

So yes, apparently that is how we roll. I don't know what else to say. I have bruises. These Things Are Not Easy.

Filed under 'Other Things Involving My Boss', I'm happy to say that the potentially nasty situation at work got ironed out without a problem on Monday. It turned out that there was so much confusion around what I was and was not allowed to do that not only did my boss and I not get in trouble for it, but she was actually able to make a case for bumping me up a pay grade and changing me to a salaried (rather than hourly-rate) position in the next budget. I wasn't in the room when she attempted this, but I wish to god I had been because that is some kind of spectacular maneuver. She is exceptional.

And I'm happy to say that apart from a small amount of lingering jet lag, I'm feeling pretty good about things. I was an anxiety-ridden disaster until Monday arvo, but once the work stuff got sorted out I found that I was... fine. Really, fine. I had expected my return to Boston to be much more tumultuous, especially given how great a visit I'd had, but instead I feel pretty resolved and calm about things. I don't know that this will last - I remember that early on after my move last year I felt way more settled than I'd expected, before crashing hard a few months later - but for now I'm trying to enjoy it.

It also helps that I've returned to a much warmer and more welcoming city than I left a month ago. The snow's all gone, we turned the clocks forward on Sunday so it's light well into the evening, and the weather's substantially better - it's not warm by any stretch, but it's warm enough that I can leave the house in only a warm jacket over a long-sleeved shirt and a singlet, rather than needing a long wool coat, a jumper, a hat, a scarf, and gloves as well. To me, that counts as progress.

All in all, things are... yes.

Nano-no-NO.

My beautiful third-gen iPod Nano carked it on Wednesday, thanks to a passing S.U.V. with High-Powered Splashing Action! (Make your own at home: all you need is a mile-long slush puddle six inches deep, some rock salt, and one asshole driver with no fucking sense. Mix well.)

After four years of good service I really can't complain too much. I am entirely iPod dependent, though, so I had to replace it immediately. Off I went to the Apple store on Thursday, to pick up a shiny new 6th-gen Nano. I was a bit concerned about the lack of click-wheel but I figured I'd get used to it, and everything else seemed to be in order, so I forked out my spend and was on my way.

This was a mistake. Don't get one, you guys. It sucks.

I was right to be wary: the touchscreen is a right royal pain in the ass, especially when you're in cold-weather land and are wearing gloves all the time. And yes, I could certainly find ways around that if that were the only problem, but it's not: the battery sucks. I mean, SUCKS. It's meant to hold charge for 24 hours, but I used it for maybe 4 hours today and the battery had drained almost to halfway. That is not a viable option for someone who uses her iPod as much as I do, and certainly not for someone who's looking down the barrel of a 24-hour flight.

Turns out that this is a chronic problem with this model. I should have read up, because forums are ablaze with complaints about this and I could find no fixes from Apple. It's been out here for several months, so if they were going to sort it they should have by now. This makes me sad. I'm not used to being cranky about my iPod.

So I've ordered a refurbished 5th-gen from Apple, since people still seem to be happy with those. Tomorrow I'll borrow my Dad's iPod, which he still hasn't loaded with anything after six months (it was a gift, bless him), to get me through until my 5th-gen arrives; and I'll return the 6th-gen as soon as possible so that I don't accidentally bust it up in some bizarre Entropy Girl way. Because you know I will.

Incidentally, where do iPods fall on Maslow's pyramid?


XOXO

XKCD comments on my last post.

Well said.