An Unhoped-for Return to Form

Or: Our Heroine Regards Her Intestines Once More.

As you might have guessed from the titles, I am in a bit rough shape at the moment. The ol' IBS has resurrected itself from the bowels of, well, my bowels, and let me tell you, I hadn't realised how much I hadn't missed it until it came back.

I think now that it started while I was in Barcelona: right when I got back I had some digestive unpleasantness for several days, and I had thought it was food poisoning. It cleared up eventually, but then a few weeks ago I overindulged slightly on awesome cocktails at Drink and ended up very sick indeed; then a few days later I was sick again after a totally reasonable amount of wine; and then this past Sunday night I was sick AGAIN after feeling off all weekend and avoiding alcohol altogether... and now I'm finally connecting the dots. The painful, bloated, vomit-covered dots.

I had a bit of a cry last night at my mom because I was - and am - scared that this will be as bad as and last as long as the first time. The first time that lasted months and months, and was painful and embarrassing and limiting, and meant that I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house for any period of time in case Something Happened. I can't bear the thought of my already limited social life suddenly crashing down that much more.

But after a lovely Halloween with my family, Caitlin's family, and Colleen and her awesome dog Simon, followed by a good night's rest, I woke up this morning feeling heaps better about everything. I know what's wrong with me; I know it's not going to do me lasting damage; I know how to deal with it. It might take a few weeks or even longer to settle down fully, but that's okay. I'll drink lots of peppermint tea, and avoid anything carbonated or alcoholic. I'll eat very carefully and in small amounts. I'll restrict myself to soup and chicken and pureed fruit, all with minimal preservatives. I'll be on the three-bite rule: whenever I feel I can, I'll eat three bites of something I know is safe. I'm aiming for once an hour so long as I feel well, and today it seems to be working: so far I've had two 3-bites of a bread roll and three 3-bites of applesauce, and while it's not what you'd call satisfying, I also don't have much of an appetite so it's okay. In fact, that becomes one of the hardest things to deal with: when I feel like this, I don't want to eat and I'm often afraid to eat, and not eating anything only makes it worse - and then when I do feel well, I eat too much and it makes it worse all over again. But three bites? I can usually manage three bites, even when I don't feel great; and I know that I shouldn't have more than that right now, so I won't overdo it.

So that's that, for now. It's an overshare, and I wish it were better news, but... well, it feels good to talk about it and have my plan written down, so you're all helping me with that. :)


XOXO